May is Mental Health Awareness month and I am very happy the conversation is continuing.

Years ago I had an issue with one of my children. Something was wrong and I could not figure out what it was. I told my neighbour I was going to take her to a psychologist, my daughter needed some help, someone to talk with. I was not able to help, it seemed natural.

Well, my neighbour reacted VERY strongly, telling me I was going to scar my child for life. The shame and guilt she laid on me was horrible and unfair.

Mind you, this was thirty years ago, things were quite different with respect to Mental Health back then. Still, if my daughter had an ear ache, I would have taken her to the doctor. There was something wrong with her mental health and I was being shamed with “you will scar my child for life.”

Thank goodness I was a fierce mother and would do anything to help my children and ignored that neighbour, but I never forgot the stigma that had been attached to mental health, getting help and even talking about it. That was a huge problem back when my kids were young, mind you it and still somewhat of a problem to talk about mental health now.

My journey to health is an ongoing one. My mental health is behaving right now but anyone who has suffered from depression and / or anxiety knows it truly is a never ending saga. I have to make sure I honour myself all the time, self-care is always top of my list. A walk in the forest near me, every morning I can sets the tone for my day.

One other aspect of my healing is forgiveness. This is another huge topic. The forgiveness I embraced was for me, not for anyone else who may have made me feel bad, shamed or mistreated me. I was carrying around buckets of guilt, shame, disappointment and hurt – waiting for those who had filled my bucket to come and take their toxic behaviour back and apologize. The pain and anguish I carried was my own to carry. The abusers had gone on to other things and had no clue the impact they had on me. They kept doing their thing, while I became wounded and unable to move (quite literally but that is another story.)