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It's A Wonderful Life Coaching

Why Am I Like This?

Mental Health| empowerment| Self-care| Self-love| trauma

August 07, 2026•3 min read

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself...

Why am I like this?

Why do I put everyone else first?
Why do I say yes when I desperately want to say no?
Why do I keep trying to make everyone happy?
Why do I feel guilty for taking time for myself?
Why do I stay quiet when I have something to say?

For years, those were the questions I asked myself, I thought there must be something wrong with me. I used to think:

If I could just become more confident...
More organized...
Better at setting boundaries...
Better at managing my time...

Maybe then I'd finally feel different.

But I realized I was asking the wrong questions.

The question that changed my life wasn't... "Why am I like this?"

It was... "What happened that taught my body it needed to protect me?"

Everything changed.

In my case, I was raised by a narcissistic. That isn't everyone's story. Yours will be different but my story taught me something very early.

It taught me that keeping everyone else happy was safer than being myself.
It taught me to stay quiet.
To avoid conflict.
To become the "good girl."
To put everyone else's needs before my own.

Not because that's who I was... Because that's what helped me survive.

Your story may be completely different.

Maybe you grew up in a loving home but were bullied at school.
Maybe you learned to become the strong one after a divorce.
Maybe you became responsible because no one else stepped in.
Maybe you were criticized so often that perfection felt safer than making mistakes.

Different stories. The same question.

What did your life teach you about staying safe?

When we talk about healing, I think we often focus on the behaviours.

People-pleasing.
Perfectionism.
Never asking for help.
Always being the strong one.
Staying silent.
Putting yourself last.

But those aren't the problem, they're the protection.

At one point in your life... every one of those behaviours made perfect sense. That's why I have so much compassion for the women I work with. I don't see someone who needs fixing. I see someone whose body has been trying to keep her safe for a very long time.

Earlier this week, I shared the idea that every relationship has its own dance. Sometimes we're leading, sometimes someone else is. For years, I let other people choose the music.

I adjusted my steps.
I kept the rhythm they wanted.
I ignored my own needs.

Eventually, I was exhausted, from dancing to everyone else's music.

Maybe that's where you are today. You've become so good at keeping everyone else comfortable... that you've forgotten what your own rhythm feels like.

The beautiful news is this. Your protective patterns are not your identity. They're simply strategies your body learned. Anything that can be learned... can be gently changed.

Not overnight.
Not with shame.
Not by forcing yourself to become someone different.

But one gentle step at a time.

One new choice.
One new thought.
One new experience of safety.

Little by little, your body begins to realize... "I don't have to protect myself in that way anymore." That's when something beautiful starts to happen. You stop trying to become someone new and begin uncovering the woman who has been there all along.