What Do I Want Now?

I've been packing for my move and deciding what comes with me and what doesn't. Some decisions are practical, some are almost ridiculously small - like my shower curtain. I don't want that anymore.

There's nothing wrong with it. I haven't suddenly developed a deep emotional issue with my shower curtain. 😂 It simply belongs to a different season of my life. I want something softer now. More muted. More peaceful.

Such a tiny decision but it got me thinking about a much bigger question.

What do I want now?

I've talked before about a time in my 30s when I realized I didn't really know who Kim was anymore. I was someone's wife, someone's mom, I had my career. All roles I loved. They were important parts of my life.

But somewhere in all of that, I had stopped considering what I wanted.

Finding my way back to myself didn't happen overnight.

It's been years of living.
Years of learning.
Years of healing.
Years of tapping.
Years of releasing old trauma, pain and beliefs.

Years of looking at things I had accepted about myself and asking: Is that actually true?

We absorb so much along the way. Messages about how women should behave.

How much space we should take up.
How agreeable we should be.
How much we should give (of ourselves!).
How much we should tolerate.
How much we should do for everyone else before we consider ourselves.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that summed it up perfectly:

“Please be careful. I'm just a girl.”

That word. Just.

I'm just a girl.
I'm just a mom.
I'm just...

No.

At some point in our lives, we get to start questioning the limitations we've carried with us. Some came from our families, relationships, society. Some came from experiences that hurt us or became beliefs we repeated so many times that they began to feel like facts.

Healing has allowed me to look at many of those things differently. Tapping and trauma release have helped me put down things I carried for years. Growth has helped me understand myself in ways I couldn't have understood myself at 25 or 35. Life has taught me a few things too.

One of the biggest?

I am a priority in my own life.

That changes the question What do I want? I'm not asking it from the same place anymore. I'm asking it as a woman who knows herself better, who values herself, who has released some of what used to hold her back. As someone who is still growing and healing and knows she is allowed to take up space in her own life.

Of course what I want now is different. I'm different.

Perhaps you are too.

Maybe you've been doing your own healing.
Maybe you've started noticing your patterns.
Maybe you've been tapping, journaling, meditating, going to therapy, coaching or doing
whatever helps you release what you've carried.
Maybe you've started pausing before automatically putting everybody else first.

Perhaps you're beginning to realize: I want more, because I matter too.

I want more joy.
More peace.
More freedom.
More laughter.
More experiences.
More love.
More adventure.
More of whatever makes me feel alive.

I deserve to have dreams that belong to me. I deserve to create a life that feels like mine.

I want more. I deserve more. I will have more.

That doesn't mean everything arrives tomorrow.

This week we've talked about dreaming big and starting small. Both matter.

Start asking.

What do I want now?

Today.

💗