How Do You Talk to Yourself?

A few weekends ago, I was spending time with my four-year-old granddaughter when she casually announced:

"Girls are bad drivers."

I stopped for a moment.

Not because I was offended, but because I was curious.

Where does a four-year-old get an idea like that?

She certainly wasn't born believing it.

So I asked her a question.

"Is Mommy a good driver?"

"Yes."

"Am I a good driver?"

"Yes."

Just like that, she paused.

Now I wanted to bring awareness to what she had just said.

Because somewhere along the way, she had heard that message, absorbed it and started treating it like a fact.

And honestly?

That's exactly what most of us do.

The Stories We Absorb

When we're born, we don't arrive with a list of limitations.

We don't come into the world believing we're not smart enough. Not good enough. Too much. Too emotional. Too sensitive. Too old. Too loud. Too quiet. Too ambitious. Too needy.

Those ideas are learned.

Over time, we absorb messages from our families, our communities, our experiences, our culture and sometimes from people who didn't even realize they were teaching us something.

A careless comment.
A criticism.
A joke.
A comparison.
A disappointment.
A moment when we felt rejected, embarrassed or unseen.

And slowly, those experiences become stories. Stories about who we are. Stories about what is possible for us. Stories about what we deserve.

The challenge is that after hearing those stories long enough, we stop questioning them.

We simply accept them as truth.

The Way We Talk to Ourselves

Have you ever noticed how quickly we criticize ourselves?

"I can't believe I did that."
"I'm such an idiot."
"I always mess things up."
"I'll never get this right."

For many women, this kind of self-talk is so normal that we don't even notice we're doing it.

Here's what I want you to understand:

The goal isn't to force yourself to think positively.
The goal is awareness.

Because you can't change something you don't notice.

The Power of the Pause

This week, I want you to practice one simple thing.

Pause.

The next time you catch yourself complaining, criticizing yourself or putting yourself down, stop for a moment.

Take a breath.

Ask yourself:

"Where did that come from?"

Not with judgment. Not with shame. Just curiosity.

Where did I learn that?
Who taught me that?
Is that actually true?

Notice how your body feels when you say those words to yourself.

Most of the time, your body already knows.

You can feel the heaviness.

The tension.

The discouragement.

The contraction.

Your body is giving you information.

Your job isn't to fix it immediately.

Your job is simply to notice.

Because awareness is where healing begins.

The Messages We Don't Even Notice

Many of the messages women absorb are incredibly subtle. A commercial that suggests it's Mom's job to keep the house clean. A joke that implies women are emotional. A comment that tells us we're too much. Or not enough.

Messages so common we barely notice them anymore.

Yet every one of those messages leaves an imprint.

If we're not careful, those outside messages become our inside voice.

One Step at a Time

The work I do isn't about changing your entire life overnight.

It's about small, gentle shifts.

One moment of awareness.
One pause.
One breath.
One question.

"Where did that come from?"

The moment you become aware of a thought, a belief or a pattern, you are no longer completely controlled by it.

You have created space, in that space, you begin taking your power back. Not by fighting yourself. Not by judging yourself. But by becoming aware.

Awareness is the first step.

The pause is where your power lives.

And from there, change becomes possible.

One gentle step at a time.

❤️

Kim Murphy

It's A Wonderful Life Coaching